making a new xanga because everyone knows this one.

            I know its sad.... I've had this xanga for *ahem* 802 days. But its time to start fresh. Cuz punk definitely isn't my  thing anymore. I'm a juggalette now and metal fucking kicks ass. Sorry guys.

                                      *i love you all*

*everything is wonderful now*

                                   .....nah na nah nah na na nah nah nah na na nah na na

i'm a new person, and i love it. Thanks for being there guys

                             -I Love You-

i wish you would come help me.... and hold me

                                                .Like You Always Said You Would.

*I Need You*

i feel like nothing. i woke up this morning and the pain was back in my stomach... in my heart. i realized i must have fell asleep... i looked up and saw the phone... and then remembered. you didn't call. the only thing that kept me going last night was what branden said... and i'm trying to hold on to that. i'm trying to hold on to the last things you said. all i feel is nothing.... i'm really not perfect... or amazing. or any of those things. i really may end up being alone the rest of my life like i used to think. i have no one to hold me when i'm crying.... i'm all alone. i have no one to help me when i'm lost, and i have no one to protect me when i'm scared. i would give the world.........

maybe i need to find myself.... just start over. i think i'm going to try something i've been interested in for awhile now. its just a matter of getting the correct information i need. i think it'll help with my anxiety... and it'll help me find who i am. i know not everyone's going to support me in what i'm doing... so i'm not going to say anymore about it.

i feel like the worst person in the world right now and knowing i'm going to be alone is making it one hundred times worse. i'm just going to lie in bed so everyone around here leaves me alone. i wish i could get help with my chemistry. i have a quiz tomorrow. ...oh well...... its my own fault. i wish i wasn't so stupid. honestly, i don't know what happened. i used to be a good student... now i'm getting in trouble at school and ............argh.......... EVERYTHING SUCKS. I HATE THIS. ..here i go again...

                                          -AnYwaYs-

yesterday me and haley got lost in clyde looking for applications. it was fun... and then we almost died cuz i pulled out in front of someone... *well i did that twice* then we went to hot topic and i was informed all the employees were aloud to do the buy 250 dollars worth of stuff and get it for 112 dollars thing. so i bought everything i needed to.  So now, I've spent about $250 on *you* all together. Now I don't even know if you want the things I have to give you. I should go so I can shut up. Yep... here I go so I can lie in bed and think about what a terrible person I am. sounds wonderful.

read my other site............ sometimes that one's hmm... happier?

I need help with my Chemistry.  I should've thought about this earlier this weekend. Because now I'm flipping out. I have no idea how to do what I have to do and I have a quiz tomorrow! I have about 6 hours to figure this out. With my luck... it won't happen.

Work sucks. I was going to have to stay over an hour today because someone called off and well really, I have no idea why I have to stay an hour when they're not even supposed to be there yet. Its all confusing. But I whined a little and got out of it. I'm not staying over when I don't have to. I have more important things to do. Like figuring out my Chemistry.

Anyways I guess I should go.... Do nothing. Oh yeah.... "Figure out my Chemistry." [[Fucken Love]]

*I miss you babes. My mom made cookies for you!  And I just went and bought you something too.

                        I wish I was special. I wish I was something. I wish I was someone. I wish I was noticed. Instead I'm just simple. Plain without reason. Trying to give hope and happiness, struggling to hold myself up. Receiving all the love in the world and trying so hard to give even more back. Trying to be perfect and flawless to you. Realizing I'm broken and crying in shame, but you speak these words and bring me to ectasy. Surrounded by your faith, your love and your soul. Bringing me everything and pushing me on. I want to say Thank You. Thank you for not giving up and showing me the way. Thank You for keeping me strong and holding my hand every step of the way.

+I want it to be Christmas break. So we can feel the way we did again. So I can wake up in your arms and feel like the most protected girl in the world. To hold you all night and have you keep me warm, God its just like heaven. I'll be counting down the days.+